Dedicated to anyone battling an addiction right now…
Back when I wrote “taller than a tree,” the post which introduced the lovely and ancient Magnolia grandiflora and chronicled my personal relationship to one very special Magnolia tree, I was a little disappointed not to find any pictures of fully developed blossoms and seed pod formation in my photo archives. Instead, I made a promise to myself that I’d attempt to locate and photograph and then share these beautiful flowers and the resulting seedpods at all stages of their development this summer.
One of my favorite details of the massive, heavenly-scented blooms of the Southern Magnolia is the “matchsticks” that form and fall off into the still-cupped tepals* just as the seeds are forming.
These matchsticks are actually the stamens, which have done their job at this point. Since I engage in a lot of stamen love around here, y’all might notice that these are pretty tough, as stamens go. But then, this was a necessary adaptation for a tree which evolved in a time before bees. Each of these thick stamens was designed to withstand the attentions of the only pollinators yet in the game back then: beetles.
Aren’t they charming, spilling out into the tepals*?
Matchsticks are the perfect image for today’s post, I thought, because a year ago yesterday I lit and smoked my last cigarette.
Yes, this is my one-year anniversary of being a non-addict. It feels pretty great to even type that sentence — and even better to breathe deeply through my much cleaner lungs now.
Quitting smoking is really tough, and my heart goes out to all those struggling to overcome any addiction right now. People who have never been addicted to anything really can’t “get” what it’s like, I’ve discovered. My still-smoking friends were hardly a safe source of support in those first few weeks and months,** and my friends who’d never been addicted at all had limited capacity for understanding and empathy.
Part of the reason I ended up starting a blog (okay, two blogs) in mid-August was the feeling that I was going to lose my mind in the first few weeks without nicotine. The gum made my throat so sore I was in danger of losing my voice, and the patches hurt my skin, so it ended up being a cold-turkey event for me.
If you’re interested in vintage Meredith posts about my journey getting the tobacco monkey off my back, you may click this link which will take you to a list of posts in the Overcoming Addiction category on my first blog. There are only seven posts in total. Mostly, I didn’t feel like talking about it much as it was happening.
And now that it’s finished, do I feel like talking about it?
Magnolia grandiflora immature seedpod.
Hmmm… not much.
Do I think it was worth it, a year down the road? Definitely. If I had to start the process all over again today, I’d do it, without hesitation.
Being free is precious.
Namasté, y’all.
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*What are tepals, you ask? This post answers that question.
** Yes, I fell off the wagon during a girls’ weekend in the mountains in November, four months into the journey. The temptation is still palpable even months later, even if your friends are super careful and don’t mean any harm by it and you’re sure you’re tough enough to withstand anything by then. And it has definitely been a challenge to me that F., after 7 weeks of our quitting journey, began to smoke again. But turn about is fair play: when we first met, he’d been tobacco-free for eight months, and unfortunately his new smoker girlfriend dragged him off the wagon quicker than you can say “kiss an ashtray.”
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it just makes sense
We are together for a very short time, so it makes sense to live in harmony, in unconditional friendship.
~ Bokar Rinpoche
Please consider this my thank you note to all of you, for reading, and commenting, and sending me messages, and telling me your stories, and writing your beautiful blog posts, and just shining and shining and spreading joy out into the world.
It means so much to me, and I don’t tell you often enough how grateful I am.
I’m still amazed that I get to do this, that we are able to share like this, that we’re so privileged to connect with each other across the miles, every day, whenever we find time. An ocean might separate us… or only the Georgia/South Carolina border. Whatever separates us from each other, though, is forgotten in this virtual space, where kindred spirits find no barriers.
And I want to extend a special thank you to one of my readers today.
To Lynn, who has a beautiful, optimistic blog definitely worth your click (hint, hint), and who was my first steady commenter. Oh, I’d had drop-ins before, but no one stuck around — probably because I hadn’t yet figured out that it would be a good idea to respond to those comments or to go visit commenters’ blogs and try to return the love. I was a wet-behind-the-ears blogger when Lynn started coming to read what I wrote, and she has been such a sunny and loyal and encouraging presence ever since. She even networked on my behalf before I’d figured out the rudimentary blog etiquette, bringing me to the attention of another blog friend (Talon) who means so much to me now. It’s hard to imagine my blogging journey without Lynn’s presence.
So, Lynn, thank you, my friend, and namasté.
To all of you who bring your own special something to the conversation here at the blog, I appreciate every single word.
And to all of you who read and look at the photos and continue to come back for more, thank you for being an important part of my journey here. I don’t ever forget that you are here, following along with me, and your silent presence is a comfort and an encouragement for me.
Every time I sit down to write, you are all with me. At least, it feels that way.
Namasté, y’all.
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