Ah, these mellow autumn days, with a fat golden sun being born after a cool grey morning.  I felt myself coming down from the stress of the past weeks as I played in the garden today.  I came in smiling, with my left hand full of seeds for next year’s cardinal climber vines and the fingers of my right hand splayed to hold two fat green tomatoes, my camera swinging from the strap around my neck.

F. gave me an approving look, and I answered him in words, “I feel like I’m becoming me again.”  He smiled and nodded.  He knows.

That’s what the garden does for me sometimes.  Often, even.  Restoration.

I felt like I’d been swallowing sunshine, nourished by the moist red earth, caressed by the wingtips of the chickadees as they continued to crisscross the blue sky overhead, flying to the feeder on the back porch, undisturbed by my meanderings down below.

And meander is the right word.  I couldn’t bring myself to do any hard work yet, even though there is tons to do right now in the kitchen garden.  Of course there is:  I’ve only managed the bare minimum of activity there for the past two weeks.

Things are a real mess, if looked at from a certain angle.  But if looked at from the right angle — oh, bliss!

Isn’t it amazing how this little insect’s eyes are a precise color match with the seed-in-formation he’s grasping?  (Click the picture above to get a close-up.)  I have no knowledge of him, his purpose, whether he’s just resting, soaking up the sun or gathering pollen, drinking nectar, or even doing something that would shock me if I ever learned the details, perhaps.  But I didn’t need knowledge to appreciate him this afternoon.

Facts would just have gotten in the way; don’t you think?

Instead I just soaked up his presence, standing on a patch of bark-chipped path that’s slowly giving way to weeds and encroaching grass, with the sun warm on my shoulders, the gentlest of breezes caressing my cheek, and a train whistle sounding in the distance.

A moment of pure joy.

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For some reason the buds of the orange cosmos make me think of a circus tent.  I love the burgundy and chartreuse stripes, and that’s normally not a color combination I would be into.  (Well, come to think of it, one year I did do a “dollar store” Christmas tree using only those colors plus bright, glittery gold, and I got lots of compliments.)

Can you imagine that turns into this, though?

It’s rather encouraging.  No matter what state my life is in now, whether I’m satisfied with my level of development (and I’m generally not) in different areas of my life pie — spiritual, physical, adventure — there’s no telling what it’ll look like in the next few months.  Or years.  Every stage is so different.

Just three seasons ago, I was in a different city, with different housemates, just barely aware of a life-changing event on the horizon.

Looking back three years ago, I’m awed by how much I’ve grown and changed, and also a little proud of that woman for holding steady and keeping the faith.  I feel grateful, humble, blessed.

I want to keep growing and evolving like that.

How about you?  Take a peek back to three seasons ago and three years ago in your life.  Can you see areas of your person that were still tightly furled in a bud, that have now unfolded?

Of course, to complete the metaphor, I’ll need to post a photo of some cosmos seeds.  Luckily, I’ve got some for later.  I planted every single seed I bought, but these plants are prolific producers of very distinctive (read:  weird) seeds.  You’ll see.  Perhaps winter, when we’re all feeling more dormant and contemplative.  Then we can all look way back.

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Sounds like a strange news headline in some sci-fi novel; doesn’t it?  Or maybe something by Kurt Vonnegut….

Today it’s raining again.  The sky is dark gray again.  The air feels cooler, but heavy and clammy with moisture, and I find myself yawning a lot — again.

I know I really shouldn’t be complaining.  Especially after all my praying for rain in July.  I was getting pretty desperate and remembering last year’s terrace-bound victory garden in downtown Atlanta.  The one where nearly everything died in the record drought.

I stopped just short of doing an actual rain dance last month, and now I’m complaining about a week of steady drizzles interspersed with heavy downpours and blustery showers.  But in my defense, such irregular weather is not ideal for the victory garden.  A couple of the tomato plants have contracted black spot.  I’ve lost squash and zucchini plants to mildew.  Some eggplants fell over into the soil and rotted.  I couldn’t get outside to harvest some things before they went beyond the edible stage.

Some of my precious heritage half-runner bean seed pods burst open when they got so wet for so long they figured it was time to send forth new plants.  Directly from the drying pod still hanging on the vine.

Sigh.  Some of them rotted or got covered in mold.

The photo ops are rather thin on the ground, to be honest.

This is a flower of cosmos ‘Bright Lights.’  You simply cannot fail with these seeds, they are so easy to grow.  I did nothing to them.  Zip.  Zero.  Nada.  I put them here and there along the edges of the plantings to attract pollinators.

Almost every single one of my plants is orange.  The color mix was supposed to include yellow and red, too.  But I only got one yellow cosmos, and he’s kind of frail compared to his siblings, who churn out the orange blossoms crazy fast and often times get picked for a vase to go in my bathroom.  (My bathroom is robin’s egg blue, and I love the color pairing of that blue with a touch of tangerine.)

Here’s a picture of some of my cosmos in a bottle.  I think it’s the third photo down.  Taken on a bright, sunny day, obviously.

Blech.  I think it’s time for a nap.

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