Ah, these mellow autumn days, with a fat golden sun being born after a cool grey morning.  I felt myself coming down from the stress of the past weeks as I played in the garden today.  I came in smiling, with my left hand full of seeds for next year’s cardinal climber vines and the fingers of my right hand splayed to hold two fat green tomatoes, my camera swinging from the strap around my neck.

F. gave me an approving look, and I answered him in words, “I feel like I’m becoming me again.”  He smiled and nodded.  He knows.

That’s what the garden does for me sometimes.  Often, even.  Restoration.

I felt like I’d been swallowing sunshine, nourished by the moist red earth, caressed by the wingtips of the chickadees as they continued to crisscross the blue sky overhead, flying to the feeder on the back porch, undisturbed by my meanderings down below.

And meander is the right word.  I couldn’t bring myself to do any hard work yet, even though there is tons to do right now in the kitchen garden.  Of course there is:  I’ve only managed the bare minimum of activity there for the past two weeks.

Things are a real mess, if looked at from a certain angle.  But if looked at from the right angle — oh, bliss!

Isn’t it amazing how this little insect’s eyes are a precise color match with the seed-in-formation he’s grasping?  (Click the picture above to get a close-up.)  I have no knowledge of him, his purpose, whether he’s just resting, soaking up the sun or gathering pollen, drinking nectar, or even doing something that would shock me if I ever learned the details, perhaps.  But I didn’t need knowledge to appreciate him this afternoon.

Facts would just have gotten in the way; don’t you think?

Instead I just soaked up his presence, standing on a patch of bark-chipped path that’s slowly giving way to weeds and encroaching grass, with the sun warm on my shoulders, the gentlest of breezes caressing my cheek, and a train whistle sounding in the distance.

A moment of pure joy.

DSC05980

Those of you who keep up with both my blogs will know I’ve been under a lot of pressure lately, between visits and deadlines for my freelance work.  I was expecting to be free by now, out from under it all — but even more seems to have fallen on my shoulders in the past few days.

So I am not yet able to resume my normal schedule with regard to writing for my blogs and reading all of the lovely blogs I read for soul sustenance, and I’m far behind on my Artist’s Way journey, and I have way too much work and can hardly come up for air, and it’s work of the really unpleasant kind which devils my sleep, and I have brand new neighbors who are putting some kinks in my habitual way of life, and the garlic needs to get planted ASAP, and I’m worried about my grandfather, who is ill, and even my cat Leo Chapo just had to have emergency surgery and isn’t recovering quite as expected….

Tonight, I decided I deserved the evening off (my first non-working evening since September 23rd), mostly because I’ve hit some kind of wall of exhaustion where I feel physically sick.  While sitting in the big, red, velvety armchair with my feet up, reflecting that there are few pleasures to equal sitting absolutely still in a comfy seat while reading something uplifting and sipping something you like to drink, I stumbled upon this haiku by 18th-century Japanese poet Kobayashi Issa:

Simply trust:

Do not the petals flutter down,

Just like this?

Yes, they do.  I’ve seen them do it, “just like this.”

So I’m going to do likewise.

I can trust it’s going to be okay.  I am going to get through this rough patch eventually — and then I promise myself I will make time to write as much as I want* and let the day job go hang for a while.  (Nothing makes my life feel more cramped and uncomfortable than not making time to write.  Time to indulge my inner artist is the truest wealth.)

I’m making plans to visit my grandfather, as well, with lots of pictures of the garden in hand, and especially pictures of his heirloom beans going through their first season in my inexperienced hands.  And I’ll probably also carry a jar of the seeds that appeared in the last entry.  (Weren’t they gorgeous?)

By the way, I appreciate any and all good wishes, prayers, and energies of peace, love, and healing sent his way.  He is 83, and we both need to be able to simply trust at this time of our lives.

*(Almost every entry you’ve read here beginning in the last week of September was written ahead of time when I wasn’t under such a heavy load, and then published later — with the exception of very timely posts, such as the one about rose hips coming into peak ripeness, and the Pink Thursday piece.  Am I cheating on my promise to myself?  I don’t consider it as such because I wrote all of the entries and took all of the photographs, and something got posted every single day.  Besides, it’s the best I could do under the circumstances.)

DSC05771

For some reason the buds of the orange cosmos make me think of a circus tent.  I love the burgundy and chartreuse stripes, and that’s normally not a color combination I would be into.  (Well, come to think of it, one year I did do a “dollar store” Christmas tree using only those colors plus bright, glittery gold, and I got lots of compliments.)

Can you imagine that turns into this, though?

It’s rather encouraging.  No matter what state my life is in now, whether I’m satisfied with my level of development (and I’m generally not) in different areas of my life pie — spiritual, physical, adventure — there’s no telling what it’ll look like in the next few months.  Or years.  Every stage is so different.

Just three seasons ago, I was in a different city, with different housemates, just barely aware of a life-changing event on the horizon.

Looking back three years ago, I’m awed by how much I’ve grown and changed, and also a little proud of that woman for holding steady and keeping the faith.  I feel grateful, humble, blessed.

I want to keep growing and evolving like that.

How about you?  Take a peek back to three seasons ago and three years ago in your life.  Can you see areas of your person that were still tightly furled in a bud, that have now unfolded?

Of course, to complete the metaphor, I’ll need to post a photo of some cosmos seeds.  Luckily, I’ve got some for later.  I planted every single seed I bought, but these plants are prolific producers of very distinctive (read:  weird) seeds.  You’ll see.  Perhaps winter, when we’re all feeling more dormant and contemplative.  Then we can all look way back.

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Tags

wonder(5) winter(6) weather patterns of autumn(5) vines(5) vine(6) victory garden(31) the Victory Garden(11) The Four(5) sunlight(8) sunflower(5) spring(9) South Carolina Botanical garden(13) snow(6) seed saving(6) seeds(7) seed leaves(5) seasonal changes(6) saving seed(8) pollen(6) photography(4) perspective(5) paying attention(4) patience(5) parsley(4) organic gardening(36) organic garden(12) okra(6) National Breast Cancer Awareness Month(6) nasturtium(9) mystery(4) Mother Nature(4) Morning Glory Grandpa Ott(6) morning glory(9) morning glories(4) Love(8) Louisiana Purple-podded Pole Bean(4) living in the moment(5) lettuce seedlings(4) Leo Chapo(4) kitchen garden(29) joy(10) Ipomoea batatas 'Black Heart'(4) Ipomoea batatas(4) Ichiban eggplant(4) hummingbird(5) heritage(5) Herbs(5) heirloom vegetable(6) heirloom tomatoes(4) heirloom tomato(5) heirloom seed(5) heirloom okra(4) heirloom morning glory(7) heavy rain(4) heart(4) harvest(4) half-runner beans(11) growing heirloom vegetables(7) growing heirloom tomatoes(9) gratitude(14) gardening through the seasons(5) gardening for hummingbirds(4) garden(8) Foliage(5) Focus 2010(16) focus(7) Flowers(6) flowering vines(5) flowering vine(7) flower(4) Fife Creek Cowhorn okra(4) family heirloom seed(4) family heirloom(4) eggplant(4) easy to grow(5) drought(4) cucumber(4) crookneck squash(5) Cracoviensis(4) Costoluto Genovese(4) cosmos(5) compost pile(4) Christina Martin(5) Cherokee Purple(7) changing seasons(4) cardinal climber vine(17) cardinal climber(12) Capturing Beauty's Rainbow Challenge(18) cabbage transplants(5) bumblebee(7) breast cancer awareness(4) breast cancer(4) blossom(7) bee(9) Beauty(90) basil(5) awareness(4) autumn in the garden(6) autumn color(5) autumn(4)
© 2013 The Enchanted Earth Suffusion WordPress theme by Sayontan Sinha
Rss Feed Tweeter button Facebook button Reddit button Delicious button Digg button Stumbleupon button